abandoning My business
I thought about abandoning my business this past week. There, I said it. I had my only call for the week cancel and I will admit that I went into a little spiral. “Is this what I “should” be doing? Is this a sign to get a “real” job? Should I be doing something else? Do I start something new?”
The reality is that these doubt and questions are nothing new. They’re always there, under the surface and seem to come up when business is slow. My fight or flight gets triggered and my go-to mode of operation is to abandon (flee). I’ve done this in relationships too, because in the world of neuroscience, how you do anything, is how you do everything.
As soon as the thought comes up, I can’t trust this…, I book it. In this case the thought was I can’t trust this business to be stable/secure. That thought only causes a domino effect of other negative Nancy’s, “I’m not doing something right. I need to work for someone else. This business will never grow,” and so on.
These thoughts aren’t around when I’m actually seeing clients regularly or doing the doing. And, to be honest they aren’t actually 100% true. I am fully aware that it’s a pattern and, more importantly, that it’s no longer serving me. It helps that I have years, if not, almost a decade of personal growth under my belt and the awareness to call it what it is.
So, I took to my journal this week and as always the answers were right there in plain sight. I can never abandon coaching or my business in the same way that I cannot abandon any of the wisdom I’ve garnered or who I’ve become in the process of it all. Things, people, and situation shift and evolve, as they’re supposed to. I am not static and neither is the business.
This little spiral allowed me to sit with the fearful part of me that is afraid of failure, who wonders if she’s good enough, who is afraid to be fully seen, who is rooted in scarcity, and thinks that she has to do it all on her own. She was having a full blown, yet silent, panic attack, and we all have versions of her on some level.
She needed to be reminded that it’s not about starting something new, it’s about becoming someone new. It’s about stripping away everything that holds her back from fully stepping into her light and from being the truest version of herself.
She even popped up as I wrote this, “people are going to know that you didn’t have any clients this week. They'll see that you’re failing. They won’t see you as the “expert,”” and so on.
Maybe she’s right, but the ever-evolving part of me said, “So what?!” This is about being an open vessel for Divine unfoldment, for facing my fears head on, and dropping into greater trust, surrender, and, wait for it…ACCEPTANCE.
My business is as much about my own healing, exploration, growth, and transformation as it is about the healing, exploration, growth and transformation of those I have the privilege of serving. I can sit with all of your parts, because I have sat and navigated my own, not in the absence of that.
So, will I abandon my business? The short answer is no, but I will continue to shift, transform, and grow alongside it in whatever shapes it takes. That part, of which, is unknown, and I’m getting comfortable with that. For now, I will do what I have always done while remaining open and taking guided action.
If you’re interested in exploring your parts, patterns, reiki or anything else, feel free to click below to schedule a virtual call.
